2 Months Home!

Wow! I really can't believe we've been home 2 months already. 

Maks is amazing us all. He has bonded really well, and is actually showing some anxiety around people he doesn't know. He cries when I leave the house. This is a really good sign and makes my momma heart so proud. 

He has also said a couple words! He has gone from just babbling mamamama, babababa, papapapa, to babooba, moooma, moooba, etc. But, he has learned to say, "no," his first word, and "hi," his second, and "baby," his third. He is also starting to pick up some signs, and has signed the word for milk and all done a couple of times. He learned to wave really fast. He makes the right animal sounds when he sees certain animals in a book. 

He has learned to wave, he is not throwing up all the time like he was in the orphanage, he insists on feeding himself with a spoon now instead of letting mommy do it. He is finally drinking like a normal toddler. 

He has had a cardiology appt, and will have a dental appt, and ENT appt. His tonsils likely need to come out, as they seem to be giving him trouble swallowing. They are gigantic and he actually fusses with them with his fingers a lot. 

His heart is great, and we will only have to take him for cardiology appts once a year. 

He is walking more and more and is starting to crawl. His core strength is improving, and so is his balance. 

People, this boy is amazing. The things he understands already are astonishing. He is such a sweet little guy. 

We are still dealing with hitting, but he loves playing with his sisters and snuggling his baby brother.

 

Down syndrome is totally not scary, guys. This little guy amazes us daily, and we couldn't be more proud. 

The Reset Button

Spending 5 weeks away from my children put a lot of things into perspective for me. I'm hoping I can write a post that conveys what I'm feeling, since I'll have to write it in parts. 

I've been stuck in a bit of a parenting rut. Lots of kids, lots to do, pregnancy, plus adoption stress. We got stuck in a cycle of yelling and constant craziness that was very hard to snap out of. I wasn't handling anything very well, being pregnant and adopting turned me into some sort of cranky beast. My kids then turned into cranky beasts. I was like a robot mom, finishing my tasks and having very little patience for anything else. 

I used to pride myself on my patience with children. But having my own was completely different and I will fully admit that I haven't handled it with grace. 

Well, take a mommy away from her beautiful children. Put her in a country that doesn't even have clean water. Out of my comfort zone, suddenly faced with an orphanage full of precious faces who called me momma in desperation. 

Despair. 

I cried a lot in Ukraine. Tears of joy and sadness and loneliness. I didn't pray as much as I should have.  I couldn't even break out of my comfort zone enough to go to mass more than once. 

But I had a lot of time to think and I knew that I needed to do better when I got home. I needed to be calm during times of stress, I needed to use a kind voice with my children. I needed to treat my heroic and hard working husband with more respect. I needed to focus more on Christ. 

5 weeks is a long time. A length of time that busted me out of cranky robo-mom mode. 5 weeks that broke my heart in so many ways that it would be shameful not to do better. 

Am I perfect now? Of course not. I still have bad days. But I'm kinder now, I'm focusing more on my beautiful children instead of spacing out and going through the motions. I'm doing all I can to make sure my sweet babies know I love them and that they can always come to me. I'm working on bringing more prayer into our family life and looking for ways to refresh myself spiritually and emotionally. I'm doing mommy and me dates with each big kid and so will hubby. I'm going to find time for actual dates with my husband. 

6 kids isn't easy. But maybe it's the number I needed to wake me up. I sure as heck don't have time to do it wrong.

I may get a lot of criticism for this. But that's ok. I'm being honest. I learned my lesson. Looking into the face of orphans who will likely never be adopted changes people. I can't sit in my sinful ways and do nothing. I had a feeling at the beginning of our adoption process that God was he going to use it to teach me patience. Now that we are done, I can say for sure that that was a huge part of it all. 

I now trust more in Him. He will, and always has, provided for me. And now He has provided a perspective and a broken heart that has inspired me to work even harder. God is hard on me, because I need it that way. I need to be knocked over the head to truly get it. Lord willing, I will truly "get it" someday. No one is the perfect mother, but my children are worth the very best effort I can give. 

One Month Home!

This past month went by so fast, I can hardly believe it's January. I want this post to be completely honest, so that people considering adoption will know what it's like the first month. 

Truth here is that I think we have it very easy. Maks has been doing very well, and we have very minimal struggles with him. 

We are struggling with his lack of fluid intake (but he's not dehydrated somehow) and he is still throwing toys. A lot. It has been a challenge to haul his 30 lb self around when I have a 2 yr old and a 3 month old that also need to be hauled around sometimes. Getting in and out of the car has become a challenge (who knew a Suburban could be too small?). Going to the store is something I haven't attempted yet with all 6 kids. He very much puts himself on a schedule. Which is actually great, but difficult when I don't quite have dinner on the table at 5 pm and he's expecting to eat. I end up cooking with him at my feet fussing, or I put him in his booster seat and give him small snacks until dinner is done. He sleeps very well, but we have to put him in a pack n play for now, because he kept getting out of bed anytime he woke up at night. He chews his thumb a bit and so it's a little raw, but it seems to be getting better. His teeth need some work, and we will be seeing a dentist after we see his cardiologist. 

There are many things going well or easily, too. He was not eating much at first, but now he's doing great. He hates Chinese food, but will eat it anyway, I just get the look of betrayal all through meal time. It's adorable. ;) He wasn't too fond of taco night, either, until I gave it to him with sour cream. He was hitting a lot at first, and he still does, but it's at a normal toddler rate now, not constantly. He's also become very fond of Samuel, and Charlotte is his buddy. They hug and kiss constantly and it's adorable. The big girls like trying to speak Russian to him, and they love to push him around in the cozy coupe outside. He's bonding well with all of us, and is really understanding a lot of what we tell him already. His babbling has become more frequent and more sounds are coming, too. He is also trying to walk more, and can take 6 steps unassisted. 

The girls have obviously needed more attention because I was gone so long. My trip to Ukraine put a lot of things into perspective for me. I want to make that its own blog post, because I really do think it changed me. 

There are a lot of moments now that I have 3 kids on me at once. It's wonderful and exhausting at the same time. I don't handle stress all that well, so I have been working on that. Mornings are crazy, and I'm working on keeping calm. Same with dinner time and bedtime. My children are worth all of the hard work I can muster, and I'm trying very, very hard. 

That's all I can think of for now. Now I'm going to list his firsts via pictures. 

First airplane ride. 

First car seat ride

First Happy Meal

First very own bed

First trip to Target

First trip to Costco

First over-enthusiastic kiss from Charlotte 

First Oreo 

First haircut in America 

First Christmas with a family 

First sweater vest

Today he had his first trip to the park, but it don't have a picture because my phone died. :( he wasn't fond of it anyway. He was terrified of the swings, which I thought he'd like. 

Ok, sorry the post is a bit choppy. I'm tired today, readjusting to the back to school schedule. But I wanted to get this up today. He is such a loving little guy and we really are lucky to have him. 

2013 - The Year Our Family Grew by Two Boys

January started out so sad. Russia had banned the United States from adopting their children. We were mere weeks from being home study approved. We appealed the region. We waited.  We prayed. We cried. Nothing. As it stands today, we are still banned, and our precious boy grows up alone in an orphanage, destined for an institution.

Then we found out I was pregnant. I will fully admit that I wasn't thrilled. I was in the middle of an adoption, I was fighting for Nico, I was tired, I assumed we'd have yet another girl and felt like I was in some sort of Groundhog Day of parenting. I love my girls so much, but doing the girl thing over and over and over and over again was starting to get to me.  

February brought my birthday and I got to see our newest little one for the first time. All doubts and fears melted away when I saw that little heartbeat. We also got our home study approval. 

In March, we made the difficult decision to move on and use our approval for another country and another little boy the same age and diagnosis as Nico. He was a little boy that had many people shouting for him, but he was continuously looked over, year after year, just like Nico was. 

The perfect house fell into our laps and it was time for us to move while in the midst of paperwork and morning sickness. 

In April, we celebrated Lily's birthday and Easter in our new home, and we finally got some of our dossier sent to Ukraine. We were getting close to fully funded. Everything was coming together. 

She was sick on her bday. 

May brought the news that we were having a baby boy! Everyone was so shocked that we were having a boy and that we intended to continue the adoption. We thought we'd travel while I was pregnant, but we were met with delay after delay after delay. 

We also got news that very day that an angel had raised $5,000 for our adoption and we were suddenly fully funded. I ugly cried like you wouldn't believe. 

June brought Charlotte's 2nd birthday and the girls entered summer vacation. 

July my sweet friends took the big girls to Disneyland and they had a blast. Amelia got to spend her 8th birthday there, lucky girl. We had originally thought we'd be in Ukraine for July, so we had set it up to have them stay with them for the trip, but that didn't work out thanks to the FBI. Haha... But, our dossier was officially submitted at the end of the month, and the wait began. 

My uncle Garry also got very sick this month and was moved to hospice. My entire family spent a little over two weeks at the center together, laughing and crying and being what a family should be. It was beautiful and heartbreaking all wrapped into one.  

In August the girls started school, my belly grew and grew, and at the end of the month, we started to have some pregnancy issues. Nothing serious, thankfully, but my water was low, then it was fine, then my blood pressure started creeping up. 

My uncle passed away mid-month and my family grieved. We miss our sweet Garry. 

September was riddled with hospital and doctor visits to check on the baby. My BP stayed high and I was miserable. I was induced September 18th, when I started having worsening symptoms.  

Samuel Francis was born and I finally got the type of birth I wanted. No epidural and fast as usual. 

In October we celebrated Samuel's baptism, were blessed to be godparents for Peter and celebrated his baptism the same weekend, and we celebrated Tessa's 4th birthday. Tired yet? I was. But was glad to see everyone right before we left. 

We then celebrated Halloween and All Saint's Day (early). 

November rocked my world. Was I really leaving my girls and flying 6,000 miles away with my husband and newborn son to Ukraine of all places? I had never even been out of the country, except to Tijuana for a couple hours and I don't think that counts. 

Two wonderful families took the girls (2 each family), and the next day we got up early and headed to the airport. 

After 24 hours of travel, we arrived in Kiev. We went grocery shopping and then settled in our apartment. The next morning, we had our government appt and got to see our boy's file. 

Two days later we met our boy. 

Or first meeting was full of joy, as we were surprised by how big he was and he was just so sweet. 

We then spent 2 weeks visiting him in the orphanage and waited for court. 

2 months to the day that Samuel was born, we had court. I will admit, it was pretty scary. The judge seemed to be trying to talk us out of adopting him, and of course we did not want to walk away. I was terrified he'd say no. But he didn't. He said yes, and we were so happy!

Kyle left that night and Samuel and I were in it alone for the long haul. 

I spent Thanksgiving in Ukraine, and this was my feast. It was also my meal every other day until I left. Haha... Except the salad, I found a delicious Greek salad right after that. Oh how I miss the feta (and all other dairy from Ukraine).

It wasn't fun, I will fully admit that. After 4 weeks in the same room, it's just time to go home. But it was good for bonding, and I'm glad for that.  I'm forever grateful to fellow adoptive parents for keeping me sane while I was in country. Especially Carla, who was a total godsend and we'd FaceTime often. 

December brought Gotcha day and it was amazing. Maks did great, and 2 days later, we were on a plane. 

The Ukraine team was wonderful. Got us out fast (by Ukraine standards), and we were well taken care of. 

The beginning of the scariness that is 3 flights with two kids. Alone. But on our long flight from Frankfurt to Denver, we were blessed to be seated next the the kindest man ever. Without him, the 10 hour flight would've been far more ugly.

(If, by chance, you ever stumble across my blog, know that we are forever grateful for your help and kindness on that flight.)

An airport employee helped us through customs and a nice woman helped us through security. 

Our short flight from Denver I was deliriously tired and kept nodding off by accident. Every time I'd do that, Maks would grab the guy next to us. Oops. As the plane started its descent, I started to cry. I couldn't stop. I couldn't believe I was so close to holding my girls again. I tried to pull it together, but I couldn't. 

Another kind man helped us off this flight. He said he had a son with Down syndrome and that he'd be honored to carry him off the plane for me. We were so blessed on this trip. 

And then we were home! 

The girls had their school Christmas concert 2 days later, they were on Christmas break a couple days after that, and we mostly stayed home all of break. We celebrated Christmas. 

The kids are loving their new brother and the trip was like a reset button on our lives. Which I will blog about soon. 

We celebrated 2014 at home and let the three big girls stay up. Lily didn't make it to midnight. Tessa was delirious by midnight. Amelia did fine. We watched movies together and went outside to see fireworks. Next year I'll try to have the forethought to actually get good snacks and games and actually have a little party with the girls. 

Happy 2014. I am not worthy of the blessings poured upon me in 2013. I pray constantly that I will become a graceful mother, guided by Mary, with my eyes on Jesus. My children deserve it, and that will be my only resolution for the rest of my life.